The day before yesterday, i had a horrible day. I argued with my mom, we fought & disagreed like we always do. Its almost a daily thing. Well that day, i finally broke. I couldn’t stand her talking down on me, she was making me feel so small & stupid. She was screaming at me , belittling me, telling me all the things i wasn’t doing & things i was doing wrong. I couldn’t take that shit, so i screamed back at her. I told her to “Leave !!!Leave me alone!” That was the loudest ive screamed, ever . I let out everything with that scream. She couldn’t belive it & just looked at me & slammed the door shut. I was so tired of it, im still tired of it. So, what basically ended up happening is, i ended up taking 7 of my sisters sleeping pills. I wanted to just leave, i felt like there was just no hope, no inspiration, no love, no anything that makes me happy. Just complete madness. So, i took 7 pills without any thoughts in my head. After, 358329548 thoughts ran through my head as a layed down on the couch , ready to “leave”. If i died, i wanted someone important to hear my voice before i did. So i called my bestfriend, Camilla. I called her & she sounded busy so i just wanted to make it fast. I told her I took 7 pills & that i got into a fight with my mom. She sounded worried & told me ” You’re not suppose to do that !!!” & I said , ” I know.” I told her ” I have to go.” & she said ” Ill call you back !” After i hung up, i layed on the couch curled up. I started to realize… i actually have some things to live for. Right when i was starting to regret what ive done ,… My mom walked in , she told me she was “Sorry , im so sorry…” … She hugged me & i told her ” Its okay.” I could actually feel it, i felt her apology . She was really sorry, i could tell in her face. She left after we were done kinda talking it out. I realized i fucked up, im only 13… i have something to live for. I have love to live for, everything i haven’t tried to live for, I dont know my future , but something positive might be waiting for me in it. ……. I dont know how i did it, but i managed to stay up for almost 2 days , so that the sleeping pills could rare off. I was tired as fuck, but i did it. Well, im here right? But hey, Camilla….Where’s my phone call? .. You said you would call me back? What if i just decided to go to sleep & never wake up? You knew i took 7 pills, but still not even bothered to call me back. Thats what bothers me.
I always freak out if i dont go on facebook for a couple of days. I feel on edge & shit. I want to log onto my facebook, but i get nervous & that holds me back. I always feel like if i dont go on facebook for a couple of hours , someone has posted something rude on my wall or someone has tagged an embarrassing picture of me , or someone has left me a mean or rude message. I dont like getting notifications like that & when someone does that, it really gets to me. So when i do finally decide to log on, i get nervous & scared while typing in my email. Ugh, i constantly think about it & its hard to get off my mind. fhsajfhasjkhasjggha Its just a bad feeling.
There is no ‘U’ in awesome.
But there is a ‘me’.
When I joined Tumblr, I’m like;
“How does this thing workkk?”;